Emotional Band-Aids

The other day I was babysitting 2 of my *Littles* while their mommy took their sister to her first dance class. Alakina was quietly looking at some books for quite a while, while her rambucnctious 16 month old little brother was busily exploring everything breakable in my house! I have to admit that I have never really child-proofed my home, even when my kids were little. I did put away things that could hurt them and also things that may have some value to me, but other than that, I just left things out and figured that kids needed to learn to live in MY world.

This approach has always worked...for over 30 years, it has worked...that is, until the other day when I had little Tage at my house. Tage is THE MOST energetic, busy, curious little guy I have ever encountered. The child actually pants like a puppy and touches everything in sight! He is fast, strong and rough with everything he comes in contact with. He grabs, throws and chews anything he can. He reminds me of "Bam Bam" from the Flintstones:)

So after 30-40 minutes of chasing after this very high energy little guy, Alakina came up to me with the saddest little look on her face (she's VERY dramatic) and she informed me that she needed a band-aid for her finger. I inspected her little digit but saw absolutely nothing. I explained to her that band-aids were usually for cuts and since I didn't see any cuts on her finger, she really didn't need one. Well, that was NOT the right thing to say to her at that very moment. She turned on the tears and insisted that she needed a band-aid and would not let up. I was still trying to chase after Tage and was so terribly distracted that I just kind of brushed her off. Again, NOT the right thing to do!

All of a sudden, Alakina spoke up and firmly said, "Nana, you need to pay attention to me for a minute...I NEED a band-aid!" In that instant, I realized that she was not really asking for a band-aid for her perfectly-fine-finger, she needed one because it was a way to gain reassurance that I loved her and cared for her every bit as much as her little, out-of-control brother. She was feeling ignored and less important. So I knew what I had to do...

I promptly put Tage in the high chair (totally for confinement purposes) and took her by the hand into the bathroom to select just the perfect band-aid. I have a box just for the kids that holds several different colors so I pulled out a selection of each color and let her choose. I held her on my lap and let her peruse each individually wrapped bandage until she had just the right one that would make her feel so much better.  I was certain she would pick a purple one, as she usually does, because it's her favorite color, but she surprised me and chose a bright yellow bandage. She then said to me with the sweetest look in her eyes, "I picked yellow because it's YOUR favorite color and I love you!"

I realized that day that life comes at us so quickly at times and we get so caught up in the heat of the moment that sometimes we overlook or forget the sweet things in life that calm us and bring us the simple joys that keep us motivated to keep living life with pure love. This little girl was reminding me that she mattered. Because she was being so sweet and well-behaved, she was unintentionally being overlooked and just needed a moment of my attention.

I grabbed her up in my arms and held her tight inhaling her sweet innocence. Each of my *Littles* has their own unique qualities and brings something special to my heart. One is not more important than the other. Each is precious and deserves as much attention from me as I can possibly give to them. It's impossible to divide your love because with each child it just multiplies!

I'm so thankful for a precious little girl who reminded me of that on a crazy, hectic day.

Opposition In All Things

I woke up this morning at 3:30 AM  bright eyed and busy-tailed (not sure what bushy-tailed really means...) Anyway, my mind was racing so I decided not to fight it and just get up, read and hang out on the computer.

Normally, I am an early riser and find that some of my best moments are in the wee hours of the morning, but this 3:30 thing is ridiculous...5:30 is do-able. My mind seems to be clearer and I retain what I read. Sometimes I get caught up on my TiVo'd shows. But to be so wide awake at 3:30 is unusual and worries me because I have a full day ahead.

I am teaching my adorable 10 year olds today at church. They are amazing little people who are well versed in gospel principles and truly, I learn from them each week. They are strong little souls who have thriving testimonies of Jesus Christ, His teachings and the Plan of Salvation...I'm ALWAYS amazed at their insights. I've prepared my lesson, complete with a plethora of hand-outs, posters and pictures. My lesson is on the Sermon on the Mount so there's LOTS to talk about! Now if I can just stay awake!!

I guess my mind is racing because of the events of the past few weeks. You all know about my precious *Littles* who were struggling with pneumonia, RSV and that wicked kidney infection, but what you don't know is that at the very same time that we were dealing with that, a lovely man in our ward was struggling with his very life as he lay in the hospital stricken with Septic Shock.

Chad was a 37 year old cancer survivor with a lovely wife and two beautiful children, ages 8 & 9. After 12 years of struggling with the hideous big "C", his wife, Michelle, awoke in the wee hours of Valentine's Day morning to find him in the bathtub. He was literally purple. She was terrified and ran to the basement apartment where her in-laws lived, grabbed her father-in-law and called 911. Chad was life-flighted to a hospital in SLC where he stayed for nearly 2 weeks. His kidneys had failed and he was diagnosed with the Septic Shock.

His parents live in the basement of his house and his sister, Colleen and her family live next door. Colleen is our Relief Society president and took time out from her family crisis to come to our hospital and visit with Aja and the girls, bringing them treats and kind articles of hope and faith. She spent precious moments with our family because she is a caring, compassionate woman who thinks of others first. I was so touched and will never forget her selfless concern for our well-being.

Our ward is amazing! We held a ward fast for Chad and we all prayed for a miracle, knowing that that was the ONLY way he could pull through this ordeal. We received our miracle, but it wasn't the one that WE wanted. Chad was released from his pain and suffering on Feb 25th. His funeral was yesterday and it was beautiful. The words of comfort and hope were awe inspiring. The masses of family and friends was overwhelming and the spirit of peace was evident as it permeated throughout the entire spirit of the meeting. His wife and children are devastated and numb. But they are strong and have so much support with so many other family members in close proximity. They are a good family with strong ties. They will survive!

So as I have been celebrating the miracles of modern medicine and have two precious granddaughters home to hug, love and adore, another family, just down the street, buried a loving husband, father, son, brother & uncle. It reminds me that in all things there must needs be opposition.

So if that is really true, then the heavy sadness and grief will eventually pass and will one day be balanced out with great joy and peace. The family spoke of the immense peace they have already felt and how grateful they are for the tender mercies of the Lord! They recognize Chad's passing as a miracle because his quality of life, if he had survived, would have been minimal at best. I know that God is merciful and that He does take away our pains and agonies. I am so thankful for all of the tender mercies in my life and will forever be grateful!

Two Angels

The past few weeks have been harrowing to say the least! But I'm back and hopefully will be able to keep my posts more regular...

Let me start by saying that I am one thankful Nana and I am so so appreciative of all of the thoughts and prayers sent heavenward on behalf of two of my beautiful *Littles*. As most of you know, they have both been very sick and were in the hospital. Alakina is 4 and was the first to become ill. She was taken to the ER on Tues, Feb 22. She was diagnosed with pneumonia and SENT HOME! I was shocked. That night, Aja's pediatrician (here's a fond shout-out to Dr. Dave Larsen...) called her at home to follow up on Alakina. When he heard she had been sent home, he too was shocked and had her set up an appointment the following morning. She went and then promptly was admitted into our local hospital.

She was one very sick little girl. As an asthmatic, her pneumonia was quite severe and she suffered from high blood pressure and heart rate with her oxygen too low. She just couldn't get stabilized and we were all very concerned. During this time, this precious little girl was able to maintain her sweet innocence and ability to care for others.

I had arrived at the hospital quite early on Fri morning when little Stella (3 years old) was admitted. The doc felt that it would be best if the girls had their own rooms so Aja was in with one and I was in with the other. Later in the day, Alakina was lying in bed, watching cartoons...I was on the phone with my BFF. Ali looked over at me and asked, "Nana, do you want anything?" I told her I was fine and continued on with my phone conversation. A few moments later I heard the nurse on the intercom say, "May I help you?" to which Alakina replied, "Yes, could you please bring some chips and a bowl, my Nana's hungry!"...It was true that I hadn't eaten all day and was STARVING, but I hadn't mentioned anything to this sick little girl and to hear her concern for me just melted my heart! I heard the nurse giggle and say, "I'll be right in!"

A few minutes later, in walks the nurse with a bowl and several bags of chips! Ali chose 2 bags, opened one of them and poured them into the bowl for me...I have never been so touched by such an innocent, kind act of service. Here this little one was SO sick and she was worried about me!

by the way, those "Pop Chips" are to DIE FOR...

Stella was in the next room. Ali was released on Saturday morning and went home with oxygen. Stella was progressively getting worse and we were worried. She received several priesthood blessings and our faith in the power of prayer was strengthened, but as parents and grandparents, we were still concerned. She had been diagnosed with pneumonia, RSV and a severe kidney infection. She was miserable and you could see it in her sweet little eyes. She is usually such a sweet, gentle little girl but she was now a miserable, lethargic little angel. Her ability to maintain her oxygen was simply gone and she required massive O2 (up to 4 litres at one point). Her heart rate was way too high (up to 155) and she wasn't responding to the antibiotics being administered.

Stella has virtually no immune system and is missing her "T" chromosome. She was in the hospital until Tues, Mar 1. when she finally came home (also on oxygen) She is still not 100% but we are seeing improvement and the antibiotics have started working.

While she remained in the hospital, I spent each day at Aja's house caring for Alakina and Tage (a VERY ACTIVE 16 month old). I was EXHAUSTED, but loved having that time to spend with 2 very special *Littles*.

So I have been absent without a minute to hardly breathe! It has made me SO incredibly thankful that I had my children at a young age...my energy levels are completely different than when I was a young mother but I still managed to multi-task, cleaning, washing a continuous barage of dirty dishes and washing, drying, folding and putting away mounds and mounds of endless laundry!

I'm not complaining, just humbly admitting that I was completely wiped-out when I finally went home to my own neglected house...even though my sweet hubs was amazing and did so much for me while I was away.

Please accept my sincerest thanks and appreciation for all of your sweet, humble and sincere prayers for all of us. We all felt the sweet peace and comfort that prayer brings and owe the greatest thanks to our Heavenly Father who ultimately healed and protected these two beautiful girls. We have been so blessed!

I'm Still Here

I have NOT abandoned you all. I have been extremely preoccupied with 2 very sick *Littles* who have been in the hospital. One had Pneumonia (she came home Sat. night) and the other has Pneumonia, RSV & a kidney infection and is still in the hospital. I am so busy taking care of sick children that I haven't had a second to write on my blog.

I have plenty to say and will do so as soon as things settle down...Thanks to all of my dear blog friends. Please stay tuned and if you can, please send a prayer heavenward for little Stella who is not doing too well right at the moment.

I promise I'll be back!

Cupcake Heaven

On Friday, I decided to bring Alakina home with me for several hours so that her mother could have some time to study (she's a single mother AND a full-time student!)

I bought a "mini" cupcake pan about a month ago and it has been one of the best things I have purchased. One of Ali's favorite things to do with me is to cook or bake so we decided to make cupcakes...and we made a bunch!

I usually make all my cakes/cupcakes from scratch but time was short and I figured a mix was the easiest option for the time allotted. We made two types, chocolate fudge and spice cake. She had never tasted spice cake before and she fell in love with it.

So we baked and iced and decorated to our hearts content. We made lots of minis and regular sized cupcakes and she made sure that they were all properly decorated.

She LOVED licking the beaters and the bowl...

Always a poser...

With our finished products!

What a fun day...I adore this little girl!!

Girlfriend's; Invisible Bonds

As women, I think we can all relate to the importance of "girlfriends". I just want to say that I adore my husband and I can tell him anything...and I do, but there is something about a girlfriend that is precious and even important. We women need each other and all of you women know what I mean!

As a young girl, I was never really comfortable around girls and saw so much cattiness that I was kind of repulsed by the whole thought of sharing my deepest, darkest secrets with a friend, but I was also envious of other girls who did share everything. I saw betrayals at a very young age and not necessarily about me! I was often told deep secrets that were to be held in confidence between two OTHER girls that had, at times, devastating consequences.

So for many years, I held my friends at bay. I did have some close girlfriends in High School and even college, but learned very quickly that I had to be very careful what I told them. I gravitated to the boys thinking that I could rely on their trust...they felt...safer...but then I realized that I could never really confide in any of them as I did the girls. I am grateful for all of the friendships that I have had and I will forever value them. But there is still something special about having "girlfriends".

About 15 years ago, I went through a divorce. This was not a scene written in the script of my life and I was traumatized by the entire ordeal. Again, I felt much betrayal by several women whom I had grown to trust and women whom I really needed to stand by me during this trying time. I heard petty gossip about me that quite frankly belonged in a Soap Opera. It was hurtful, but most importantly, it was untrue and very unnecessary. I made the mistake of trusting certain people only to find their mouths were bigger than their ears!

OK, not to beleaguer the point, I think you get it.

Just last week, I reconnected with two ladies that I met 17 years ago. We were neighbors and at some point we drifted apart. Life tends to do that if we don't continue to nourish our relationships. Anyway, these two ladies never betrayed me. They were there when I went through my divorce and although they didn't always know what to say and maybe even didn't always agree with me, I never heard anything ugly from them, and I appreciate that. So we all reconnected on Facebook and have vaguely kept up with each others lives. I sensed that one of the ladies was going through an emotionally trying experience and the other is preparing to go on a mission with her hubs for 18 months to a foreign country, so I mentioned on FB that we should get together for lunch. The wheels were in motion and quickly plans were made. We decided that Jen would have us to her house and cook for us (she's a fellow "foodie"). Connie and I arrived at precisely the same moment, exchanged hugs and walked in together. It was WONDERFUL!! (I neglected to take pictures because we had so much fun and I spaced it!)

All of our lives have taken some interesting turns. We ate and chatted like no time had passed. The food was AMAZINGLY delicious (better than we could have had at any restaurant or cafe) and I am so thankful that we took time out of our busy lives to spend a few hours reminiscing about the good ole' days and learning about recent adventures. I hope we will do it again real soon.

Almost fifteen years ago, I met my female soul mate! We have been "BFF's" since the day we met. We understand each other, we laugh, cry, worry, and pray for each other. We have no secrets from each other because I KNOW that whatever I tell her, she will always hold dear. Rayemanette is my beautiful Hawaiian friend who embodies the very qualities that I so enviously wish to possess. She is ALWAYS there for me no matter where we both are in the entire world! She knows my heart, my fears, my joys, my pains, my hope, my dreams...everything! The Hawaiian philosophy is to live in the moment and just be happy...She does and she is!

We talk almost everyday. If we don't talk, we text or we leave "Hey Tell" messages (a free app for iPhones and Droids). If we do go for lengthy periods of time without talking or seeing each other, it's OK. She is always in my thoughts and I am always in hers. We are like two volumes of one book!

"What do we live for if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?" ~George Eliot

I am so thankful for the amazing women who have come into my life. I have learned from each and every friendship and I have even grown from the betrayals and mistrusts that came my way. But to the women who have stood by me and who have loved me unconditionally, I owe you everything. You are precious and valuable and have helped shape me into the woman I am today.

So no matter where you may be with your friends, remember this:

"Of course you can go home again! You just look in your heart for your old best friend!" ~Helen Moss

Valentine's Day Plea!!

It's that time of year once again...Valentine's Day. As this time of year approaches, I am always thinking of something unique, romantic and unconventional that I can either get or do for my hubs.

I have done goofy things in the past like covering the floor with Hershey's Kisses with a sign that says "I kiss the ground you walk on!" which led to a gift and card that I had laid out for him. We have taken amazing trips and cruises over the Valentine's weekend and even other traditional sentiments.

This year, I am at a loss! I'm stumped and haven't quite caught the spirit of the holiday...Nothing is in my head (except this miserable sinus infection...) SO, I am asking all of you for your best ideas. I've done the "Heart Attack" thing (where you leave a bunch of paper hearts with sweet personallized sentiments on each one) and I just want something sweet and simple.

So please leave me any of your ideas. I know that time is running out, and I do have a boring "Plan B". Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thoughts on Aging

I recently heard a quote made by Paulina Porizkova. She said, "Aging is a privilege, not a right."

This quote was stated on a show featuring aging Super Models (who all still looked FABULOUS, by the way...) and primarily they were speaking on how to defy the effects of aging on your skin. However, Paulina's quote resonated in my ears the rest of the day.

It's funny because I happened upon that program by accident just days after my 4 year old *Little* said, "Nana, you look old!"...needless to say, I was devastated! Granted it was a bad day, but she noticed that I was...A.G.I.N.G...

I have been watching my sweet daddy finalize the last few days, months maybe even year of his life. His time is definitely coming to an end and it saddens us all. The last time I saw my father face-to-face, we held hands and wept as we shared our immense love and appreciation for each other. There was nothing earth shattering said, just the sweet exchange of fond memories, tremendous gratitude (mostly on my part) and undying, eternal love. It was a precious moment that I will never, ever forget!

He is now 82 years old. He has lived a great life and although it has not been without its challenges and heartaches, it has been a life well-lived and a life that will be remembered by many. It has been a life of adventure and a life of wisdom. It has also been a life full of love and respect for others...It has been a life full of great successes and failures. But most importantly, it has been a life of great significance!

I think THAT is the deeper meaning behind Ms. Porizkova's comment, whether she meant it that way or not. Living IS a privilege. It is a great blessing to wake up every day with a clean slate to leave our mark upon.

As I do my best to moisturize, exercise and eat right, I cannot completely stop the physical effects of aging. I have a few extra aches and pains that I never before had. My hair is almost completely grey...very salt & pepper at the very least. My eyesight has diminished a bit but is easily correctable with "cheaters" and eventually Lasex. I don't have the stamina and energy that I once had and when I squat down it takes me a few moments longer to get up!

All of this is typical and pretty normal. In my heart of hearts I feel like I am still in my 30's. I am happy with who I am and I feel a bit wiser as a result of the experiences of my life. I share a deep and abiding love for life with my husband. I love the Lord and family means EVERYTHING to me...That is a PRIVILEGE!

There is no anti-wrinkle cream in the world that has more value than that...

The Catwalk

This past weekend I participated in the annual "Wedding Festival" down in SLC as a model on the runway. I know, you're probably asking yourself, "They allow a woman in her 50's on the catwalk??" I asked myself the very same question when Vickie (my agent) told me emphatically that she wanted me to do this show.

It has been about 3 years since I was in a runway show and it was for Dillards. I had a blast even though I tripped at the end of one of my sets and almost knocked the pillars at the top of the runway over...no big surprise, I'm a TOTAL klutz and always have been. I smiled, and exited the stage as quickly as I possibly could. It was fun even though I was sure that that show was my big finale in the world of 5'9"(minimum) skinny girls with flawless skin, flowing hair and sassy attitudes.

Since my daughter, Aja, my son Tyler and one of my *Littles*, Alakina are "regulars" in the annual Wedding show, I grudgingly agreed to do it. Aja is a veteran...I think this was her 10th year and she is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. on the runway...sooooo graceful and she just glides down with grace and elegance with her willowy body and sparkling smile. Ty has done it for the past 4 years and has really mastered it. One of his sets is with all guys (in tuxes) who get out and dance...it's a showstopper and Ty is a hit! But the best is Alakina...she comes out in the third set. She was dressed in a beautiful all white dress, complete with a full petticoat (a blast from the past...) and RUNS onto the stage into the arms of a "groom" who sweeps her up, swings her around and then they watch a beautiful bride glide by...the crowd goes wild!

This is Aja in "Veil" set. All the girls wore black to showcase the veils...

So here I was...I was the MOB (Mother-of-the-Bride). My first dress was a gorgeous teal strapless gown (kinda freaked me out since I NEVER wear strapless) and the second outfit was a hideous, salmon colored suit that was too big for me, had jeweled buttons and, quite simply, if I had worn that to either of my daughter's weddings I would probably have been banned from the premises...it was horrid!! (fortunately there are no pictures of it)

I decided that in the second set (ugly salmon suit) I should have been called the FOB...Frump-of-the-Bride. It was tough to try to rock it on the runway...I tried...Awful!

So the next day, the representative from Dillards (who had the ugly suit) brought me a long flowing pink gown that pretty much resembled a night gown. But at this point, I was THRILLED to no longer play the FOB role and walked with much more ease in the pink...that set was with Alakina and it was sweet!

All in all, it was a great experience. It was fun to be up there with 2 of my 3 children and it was great to work with Alakina...I was told that I was now in it every year...at least until I become the GOB (Grandmother-of-the-Bride)...YIKES!

Ice Castles

This is what is across the street and down one block from my house:

They are magnificent and beautiful, completely made out of ice. They're Ice Castles.

My *Littles* had a blast running through them and so did Aja & my mother...

And at night they are ethereal...

If you're up this way, you might want to stop and take a look...My neighbor makes them...people are so creative!