Celebrate the Lives of Others

I attended a NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meeting last night. It was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!

My son received his 1 year chip and it is a huge deal. He has worked long and hard and has had so many bumps along his path to sobriety...but he is 1 year clean and that's all that really matters today.

My daughter Aja decided at we should all attend his meeting to show our support for this precious boy. There were 6 of us from our family who attended. I will never forget what I experienced last night.

The room was packed with addicts. There were people from all walks of life, ethnic backgrounds and ages. As we entered the room, we were immediately greeted by a young man who introduced himself and engulfed me in a heartfelt hug. From the moment I set foot in that crowded room, I felt nothing but love.

It was beautiful. Honesty abounded. There was no judgment. There were tears and there was joy. I listened with my heart as these sweet friends of my son expressed their heartfelt love for him. How proud they are of him. How he has inspired them. How he lifts them and, in some cases, how he has saved their lives. It touched me deeper than I ever could have imagined.

As mothers, we KNOW our children. I may not know the everyday goings on in my adult children's lives, but I know who they are. I know their strengths and I know their weaknesses...but so do these wonderful, nonjudgmental friends of my son.

The lights were then turned off and for a few moments, it was silent. Then, one-by-one, people began to share. "Hi, I'm ___ and I'm an addict". It was kind of sacred as these precious souls started speaking from their hearts. They all spoke of their love for Ty, offering him sincere and heartfelt congratulations. One gal said that she was so happy for him hitting this mark. And then she went on to say something to the effect of, "Where else do we celebrate the lives of others?"

That hit me!

The more you praise and celebrate life, the more there is in life to celebrate!

It seems like our world is so quick to judge. We can so easily get caught up in our own lives that we forget to celebrate the lives of those around us...everyone of these addicts/recovering addicts has a valued life! They have something precious to offer this world! Because they have made some bad choices doesn't make them bad people or any less valuable.

Do I fall prey to this?? I commit, on this blog, this day, to make a conscious effort to "Celebrate the Lives of Others..."

So to my son, I say this: Today I celebrate your life...and I will celebrate your life everyday! I respect and admire you more than you will ever know. Your ability to unconditionally love without judgments, is rare and precious. You truly celebrate life and the lives of those around you? I have learned so much from your journey and I can only hope and pray that I can be like you one day. Thank you for letting me be your mother and for putting up with all of my fears and judgments...

Tyler Update

So here it is! The latest on my sweet boy...(with a few of his nieces & nephews)

As you all may know, my son, Tyler, is a recovering heroin addict/alcoholic. This has been a 10 year process filled with unmeasurable tears, angst, worry, agony, pain, betrayal and blah, blah, blah...you've heard it all before from me. I will say, it's also been 10 years of struggling with faith, waning hope, sleepless nights filled with pleading prayers to a merciful Father in heaven and endless love for a precious boy who has potential, qualities and attributes that I could only hope to posess!

So now I'll brag a bit!! Ty has hit a milestone and is about to hit another one. He is more than 1 year sober from alcohol, he quit smoking and on the 28th of this month, he will hit 1 year of being clean from the hideous beast called heroin! Boy-oh-boy do I admire and respect this hero...YES! He's my hero! After all, who do you know who has overcome something as gripping as a drug addiction? To me, he displays immense strength and tenacity. He has openly admitted that he still fights urges at times, but what's important is, he FIGHTS!

A few months ago he stopped by our house (I've posted about this before but didn't go into depth.) We were having a family gathering and as is common, he came in, said hello and promptly left. I thought nothing of it since he attends AA/NA meetings every night, is a full time student and works
two jobs...about an hour later, he stopped by again. This time, everyone had left except Natalie, our
cute daughter and he asked if he could speak to me alone. Old patterns smacked me in the face and I admit, I was nervous...we went outside and sat on the front porch. I looked at him and could see pain in his eyes. Fear and worry flodded my emotions and my heart stopped for a few seconds. He took a breath and proceeded to tell me that he owed me an apology...what transpired for the next 45 minutes was precious and I will NEVER forget one of the greatest moments of my entire life.

He told me that he had had a spat with one of his sisters earlier that day. It was really over nothing important, but when he stopped by the first time, he didn't want to stay because she was over and he was still upset with her. That's why he left so abruptly. He told me that when he got into his car he immediately called his sponsor. Then he told me he was on step #4 of his 12 step program. I asked him what Step 4 was, he explained and then I listened...and listened...and that boy taught me something that day! It is about accepting responsibility for everything in your life without blaming others. And that's what he did. He spoke as a giant! He spoke eloquently and clearly. We cried together and we laughed together but most importantly, we loved together. My heart swelled with love and compassion as I have never before felt. I could hardly contain it. He spoke of God, of Jesus Christ, of faith and of hope. He thanked me for his upbringing and he praised me for my motherhood! He shared with me that during his darkest moments, he had held on to the religious foundation that I tried so hard to instill in him...he touched my heart.

He was humble. He was broken. He was healing. I tearfully and quite sadly admitted to him that I didn't know how to be his mother anymore. So many walls had been put up between us and, although they have been torn down, so much had changed and I just didn't know how to be his mother. How to rebuild...It was heart-wrenching to admit. He took my hand and admitted that he wasn't even sure how to be my son, but that together we would find the answers. What I realized in that moment was that I may not have known how to be his mother, but Heavenly Father ALWAYS knows how to be his father and that gives me great comfort. He taught me that it is OK to be vulnerable. He was honest and sincere in his expressions.

So today our relationship is blossoming. We speak lovingly. Trust has found it's way back into our lives.  He is working at a rehab center which is perfect because he is in school to become a drug counselor. He finished his first semester of college with a 3.2 GPA and he is living on his own, paying his own way, admits that each day is a challenge and finding joy in the journey. He is responsible, caring and trying to give back. I have many stories for another post about this amazing young man. But for now, know that this proud mother is honored to call this boy my son!

New Changes...A New Path

So much has happened since my last post. Let me try to catch up a bit...

First of all, my back is better and after much physical therapy and exercise, I feel stronger than I have in a long time. My back is still not 100%, but I am back at work and boy, have things changed!

I got to Portland last Thursday evening so that I could be on call the following Friday. It was hard to go back knowing that the flying is not great out of that base and, true to form, I didn't fly on Friday, however...it was a VERY eventful day! It started out fairly typical. I got up showered and as I was putting my make up on, I received a phone call from SkyWest telling me to check my email in the next hour for a possible transfer to Minneapolis. I had put my transfer in back in December. Minneapolis (MSP) has more options for me and I will not be on Reserve (on call) but instead will be able to hold a line (where I have more control over my schedule and ultimately the ability to make more money!!)

Needless to say, I was anxious as I checked my email. I tried to focus on improving my face, but was so distracted. Then, there it was! I opened the email, saw the "granted transfer" and quickly accepted it. Then the phone call followed. Normally, transfers are granted at the end/beginning of the month. The actual transfer does not become effective until the first of the following month. In this case, that would be March 1st. But, since we are very short of people in MSP, I was asked to move immediately! "What does immediately mean?" I asked. I was told that I would have 4 moving days then would need to report to my new domicile.

So now, Brad and I are planning to fly to MSP Tuesday morning, check things out, see my new crashpad and return home that evening. I will then turn around and fly back on Thursday and be ready to FLY on Friday!! Big changes...Huge!! Thankfully, I have some friends there who have opened their apartment up to me and will show me the ropes in my new base...God bless them!

I have become a voracious reader. I have always read, but lately I can't get enough! I have to recommend two incredibly inspirational books that, in my opinion, are "must reads". The first is called: "The Hiding Place" by Corrie ten Boom. It is a true account of a family who hid Jews during the occupation of Holland during WWII. Without giving too much away, they are discovered and are sent to Nazi Concentration camps. The amazing accounts of the faith of two sisters is completely moving and overwhelming. I couldn't read this book fast enough and was actually sad when I finished it. It changed me...

The second book is: "Left To Tell:Discovering God Amongst The Rwandan Holocaust" by Immaculee Ilibagiza. Again, a similar story (true story) of incredible faith and strength. In this book, she survived the Rwandan genocide as her family is butchered. And I was sad to finish this book too. Both of these books changed me. These women showed me how incredibly blessed I am and they made me wonder if my faith would be strong enough to sustain me through such atrocities, terror, fear and even torture. Is my relationship with God strong enough? Do I know Him as intimately as I should? Both are beautifully and poignantly written. I urge you all to get these books, then please, let me know what you think of them. I promise, you will be inspired!

As my life has taken a big turn, once again, I am renewed, energized and anxious to move forward. No, I did not receive my transfer to Salt Lake City, but that's OK because new experiences and opportunities await me in MSP. I'm anxious to meet new people, see new places and make more money!! God will take care of me and walk beside me. I have faith that He has led me to where I am today and look forward to the challenges and adventures ahead.

My children and *Littles* are doing great. My girls have their challenges, but face them head on and are growing into extremely strong women and amazing mothers. Ty is clean and sober, he smiles, he laughs, he talks rationally, he has a great job, is a full time college student, is active in AA/NA and once again, loves his life. He shines!! He is reconnecting to the Lord and he is healing. Everyday is a gift for him and he recognizes that. He calls me just to talk! I feel so much joy around him; something I haven't felt around him for about 7 years. I am even thankful to him for taking me on this treacherous journey with him. Don't get me wrong, I NEVER want to ever go through the darkness and hell that we have experienced during his drug abuse years again, but I am a better person for having survived it. Mistakes were made. I didn't always handle things with dignity and grace, and I even broke down many, many times. But I am stronger, a bit wiser, less judgmental and more compassionate to these precious children of God who are lost in the depths of hell. I ache for their families and especially their mothers. Tyler is not out of the woods yet, but he knows this and takes it one day at a time. He has surrounded himself with good people with similar goals and values. He has changed his thinking and, most importantly, he is growing and he is on the right path...he's becoming whole again!

I am a blessed woman. I am thankful for the challenges that have come my way. They are not fun, or easy or even seemingly bearable at times, but the emergence of survival and strength is the greatest reward. Most importantly, I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who has never left me OR my sweet son. He has held us both up and has sent His love and protection at times when we both have, many times, felt unworthy. But He is God. He never bailed on us even when we may have bailed on Him.

Life is amazing. I found a quote on Pinterest that touched my heart to the core:
"Successful women build a strong foundation with the bricks that have been thrown at them."

I only hope and pray that I can pay honor to that saying. I have been broken many times, but am healing.