Thursday, February 10, 2011

Girlfriend's; Invisible Bonds

As women, I think we can all relate to the importance of "girlfriends". I just want to say that I adore my husband and I can tell him anything...and I do, but there is something about a girlfriend that is precious and even important. We women need each other and all of you women know what I mean!

As a young girl, I was never really comfortable around girls and saw so much cattiness that I was kind of repulsed by the whole thought of sharing my deepest, darkest secrets with a friend, but I was also envious of other girls who did share everything. I saw betrayals at a very young age and not necessarily about me! I was often told deep secrets that were to be held in confidence between two OTHER girls that had, at times, devastating consequences.

So for many years, I held my friends at bay. I did have some close girlfriends in High School and even college, but learned very quickly that I had to be very careful what I told them. I gravitated to the boys thinking that I could rely on their trust...they felt...safer...but then I realized that I could never really confide in any of them as I did the girls. I am grateful for all of the friendships that I have had and I will forever value them. But there is still something special about having "girlfriends".

About 15 years ago, I went through a divorce. This was not a scene written in the script of my life and I was traumatized by the entire ordeal. Again, I felt much betrayal by several women whom I had grown to trust and women whom I really needed to stand by me during this trying time. I heard petty gossip about me that quite frankly belonged in a Soap Opera. It was hurtful, but most importantly, it was untrue and very unnecessary. I made the mistake of trusting certain people only to find their mouths were bigger than their ears!

OK, not to beleaguer the point, I think you get it.

Just last week, I reconnected with two ladies that I met 17 years ago. We were neighbors and at some point we drifted apart. Life tends to do that if we don't continue to nourish our relationships. Anyway, these two ladies never betrayed me. They were there when I went through my divorce and although they didn't always know what to say and maybe even didn't always agree with me, I never heard anything ugly from them, and I appreciate that. So we all reconnected on Facebook and have vaguely kept up with each others lives. I sensed that one of the ladies was going through an emotionally trying experience and the other is preparing to go on a mission with her hubs for 18 months to a foreign country, so I mentioned on FB that we should get together for lunch. The wheels were in motion and quickly plans were made. We decided that Jen would have us to her house and cook for us (she's a fellow "foodie"). Connie and I arrived at precisely the same moment, exchanged hugs and walked in together. It was WONDERFUL!! (I neglected to take pictures because we had so much fun and I spaced it!)

All of our lives have taken some interesting turns. We ate and chatted like no time had passed. The food was AMAZINGLY delicious (better than we could have had at any restaurant or cafe) and I am so thankful that we took time out of our busy lives to spend a few hours reminiscing about the good ole' days and learning about recent adventures. I hope we will do it again real soon.

Almost fifteen years ago, I met my female soul mate! We have been "BFF's" since the day we met. We understand each other, we laugh, cry, worry, and pray for each other. We have no secrets from each other because I KNOW that whatever I tell her, she will always hold dear. Rayemanette is my beautiful Hawaiian friend who embodies the very qualities that I so enviously wish to possess. She is ALWAYS there for me no matter where we both are in the entire world! She knows my heart, my fears, my joys, my pains, my hope, my dreams...everything! The Hawaiian philosophy is to live in the moment and just be happy...She does and she is!

We talk almost everyday. If we don't talk, we text or we leave "Hey Tell" messages (a free app for iPhones and Droids). If we do go for lengthy periods of time without talking or seeing each other, it's OK. She is always in my thoughts and I am always in hers. We are like two volumes of one book!

"What do we live for if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?" ~George Eliot

I am so thankful for the amazing women who have come into my life. I have learned from each and every friendship and I have even grown from the betrayals and mistrusts that came my way. But to the women who have stood by me and who have loved me unconditionally, I owe you everything. You are precious and valuable and have helped shape me into the woman I am today.

So no matter where you may be with your friends, remember this:

"Of course you can go home again! You just look in your heart for your old best friend!" ~Helen Moss


Connie said...

Thanks, Mary!!
love ya!

Lynn said...

I can relate to your post on so many levels.

It's pretty sad that women who have been born with a natural nurturing talent can be SO catty and horrible to each other at times. I think that the adversary works his hardest of women in this way because he KNOWS the power we woman have when it comes to nurturing others.

Great post!