Praying for a Miracle

I haven't posted for a while for good reason...

This past Saturday night, my precious granddaughter, Stella who is 5 years old, was admitted to the ICU at our wonderful Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City, with RSV. Most kids have outgrown the possibility of contracting this virus by the age of 2-3, but Stella was born with a compromised immune system.

By Monday, she was diagnosed with Fungal Pneumonia, which is a rare form of pneumonia and is fought by our bodies T-cells....the ones Stella was born without. She is one sick little girl!

By Tuesday, she looked pretty rough and was very, very sick. She was not responding to any meds or treatments and Infectious Disease specialists were called in. My heart just about fell to the floor and, for the first time in my entire life, I felt no hope...I've never really experienced that before and I am ashamed to say that I even went there...maybe my faith is not as strong as I thought it was.

She has seen more needles, tubes, been poked and prodded and through it all, she has been a real trooper. Her fever has been high, she is on 100% oxygen and only able to keep her levels up to about 92% (should be 100%) and her heart rate was fluctuating between 160-185...way too high.

I called my daughter, Brittany, who lives in Idaho, on the way home from the hospital. We bawled our eyes out together. In a weird way, it helped to just cry with someone who is as invested as I am. Britt has two beautiful, amazing children and her heart was breaking along with mine. I love her so much and am so thankful I have her to lean on!

Now, Stella has a feeding tube that was originally placed directly into her intestines. She was more responsive today and I managed to get a few smiles out of her...an impossibility yesterday.
Her preschool class made her cards and her two best friends, Elle and Jaydn brought the cards and some fun gifts to her today. Of course, they weren't allowed to come upstairs which broke their hearts, but they proudly gave them to Aja and Stella was beaming when she opened each card.

I have never prayed so hard in my entire life! I have begged the Lord to heal this precious angel and to let her stay with us longer upon the earth. I know that I am selfish, but I can't even allow myself to think of losing her...it breaks my heart.

As my hubs and I were preparing for our prayer this morning, he asked me to offer the prayer. I sobbed! I told Heavenly Father that I wanted to have faith and I wanted to accept His will, but I also told Him that I was struggling with that. I want my faith to be strong but am realizing how very weak it can be. It's easy to say, "Thy will be done" when it's not THAT big of a deal, but when it comes to life and death, it's the most difficult phrase I have ever uttered! It made me realize that I take that for granted and I asked myself if I have really meant it in the past...

Last night, my ward (congregation) sent out massive emails and began a Ward Fast on behalf of this precious little girl. My phone "blew up" with loving texts offering their love, support and prayers. Even the youth of our ward fasted for her and sent their love. I was SO completely overwhelmed and humbled by the generous offerings of food, daycare for the other two kids and just general "what can I do to help?" questions.

This morning I awoke (after a pretty sleepless night) with a lighter heart. I felt the power of all of these prayers. I KNOW that all of the prayers from all of my friends, regardless of religious persuasion, have been received on the other side. They have lifted me and have sustained me. I actually felt some hope today and I feel much stronger.

I don't know what lies ahead. All I know is that today was a better day than yesterday. I know that Stella's future is in the hands of the Lord. I will continue to pray and even plead with a kind and merciful Heavenly Father, that He will protect this little girl and provide the comfort to endure whatever comes her way.