Monday, May 23, 2011

Tyler; The Latest

I so wish I could update on my sweet boy with a truly positive post. I have in the past and hope to again in the future. But, sadly, this isn't one of those posts.

Saturday morning at precisely 1:47 AM, I was awakened by my phone ringing. I was in a very deep sleep and when I heard the voice on the other end, I was snapped into reality real quick. It was a recording telling me that I had a call from an inmate, then I heard Tyler say his name. My heart dropped.

I tried to remain calm. I said hello, asked him what happened and he proceeded to tell me that he was pulled over earlier that night and arrested because his license had been suspended and he had "paraphernalia" in his car...

One thing about a drug addict is that when they tell you something, 99% of the time they are lying or at the very least, they are not telling you the WHOLE truth. So we spoke a few minutes. He gave me the phone number to a bail bondsman and said to call them in the morning because his bail would only be $28.00 !!

With the experience I've had with Ty, I called the jail instead and asked what his charges were. I was told that it was: Paraphernalia which is a misdemeanor and...wait for it...Possession! which is a 2nd class Felony. No, his bail was not $28.00 (that only applied to the paraphernalia) and in fact, there was NO BAIL until Monday morning (this morning) when a judge would decide what it should be.

So yes, he lied to me...again! At least I knew it and made the call. So I had to wait for him to call me back since I couldn't call him. He finally did on Sat. night and I explained to him that he was there for the weekend. I informed him of his charges (he just sighed) and his explanation was that he and a "buddy" were driving downtown, a cop flipped a U-turn and followed him for a few miles. He was pulled over and the cop informed him that his car wasn't properly registered. He pulled out his registration (which according to him was valid) and the cop saw tin foil with residue of heroin. So he was arrested and brought into jail.

I asked him if he was high to which he immediately fessed up and said "yes" and I asked him how long he had been using to which he replied, "2 weeks".

So, there you have it. I now have a son in jail awaiting a bail hearing and I have informed him that I will NOT bail him out. I seriously want to SCREAM...

Yesterday we had a most inspiring Sacrament meeting at church. The first young man (19 years old) is just leaving to serve the Lord for a two year mission. This means that he will be away from his family, NO dating, 24/7 service and complete devotion to the people of his mission. He spoke of the reasons he was going on a mission and had us all laughing and crying at the same time. He talked about his preparation all of his life to embark on this amazing journey he is about to take and that he knew that he was immature, needed to grow up and was ready to submit his will to the Lord's so that he could become a successful missionary. It was beautiful...

The next young man (21 years old) had just returned from his 2 year mission and spoke of his experiences while he was gone. His testimony of faith, prayer, service and love for the Savior was completely awe inspiring. He shared uplifting stories of some of the people he met and served while he was away and his great love for all he came to know. When he was finishing his talk, I watched as he choked up with emotion because the love in his heart for the Lord was almost more than he could contain. He so eloquently expressed his great love and appreciation for the atonement and the humility in his words was overwhelming. I sobbed!

My heart swelled with joy for the mothers of these two fine young men who have made choices in their lives that have led them to great experiences and gave/will give, them each two of the best years of their lives. They are good boys who don't smoke, drink, do drugs. They abstain from sex and strive for excellence. I am so proud of both of them and know that they are each destined for greatness as they continue to walk down the path of righteousness.

Then my thoughts turned 180° and I saw my sweet, troubled boy sitting in a cold cement jail cell with his head down turned and completely distraught. My heart ached and the tears came. I almost had to get up and leave because the pain was so great in my heart.

The contrast between these young men is staggering and it all boils down to CHOICE. My son made ONE choice that started him on this dark and destructive path to slavery and devastation. Now the consequences are almost too much for him to pay. The other two boys made a series of great choices that have led them both down a path that can ultimately lead them to eternal happiness if they continue to make decisions in the same vein.

I will never give up on my son. I adore him and love him more than I can begin to express. But the disappointment that I feel is bigger than I ever imagined. The heartache and pain that he has caused our family seems unsurmountable at times...but we are strong and we will continue to endure.



Connie said...

So sorry to hear about Tyler . . . maybe the best thing you can do for him right now will be to NOT bail him out. I know it sounds harsh, but Tyler is a good kid and needs to be where he can't hurt himself. I can't imagine your pain right now .. . know that you are a good mom and you taught Tyler the right way . . . I will keep you and him in my prayers . . . Love you!

Love Being A Nonny said...

I wish I could say something to make this alright. My mother's heart feels your pain...and it hurts so so bad...the kind of pain that when you wake up in the morning you feel it in your gut. That is, if you slept the night before. The truth is, tough love hurts...real bad. I can't fix it, but I CAN pray...and I WILL Mary. I have seen the Lord work bigger miracles than this one. I promise. He is still in the miracle business. Trust Him if you can. Praying in NC.

Julie said...

My heart aches for you. As mothers, we love our children so much, and deeply hurt for them when they make poor choices.
Tyler is so lucky to have a mother like you, who doesn't give up on him even though I'm sure you feel like it sometimes.
I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. *Hugs*
Julie Clegg

Lynn said...

I am So so so sorry Mary!! My heart goes out to you and your son.

Just this past month, I've only begun to understand what slavery you are talking about when it comes to addictions. I've stumbled upon some distressing news regarding two very loved ones just this past little while.....and it HURTS! I totally get what you mean when you say it physically hurts!!

Hang in there. You inspire me so. I learn much from you.

Janiece said...

My heart breaks for you.
I watched my mom go through this same thing for several years, and then when my brother came and lived with me...I don't think I slept an intire night until I heard him come in the house OR the phone rang. One morning I called my mom and told her it was killing me. I loved my brother with everything in my being...we were only 18 month apart. My mom said the same thing you did, it is his choices that will dictate his life, love him no matter what, and sleep.
When my brother passed away a few years ago, as horrible as this sounds I asked was it drugs? No, the doctors said that he was clean, but had pnumonia and must have got coughing until he couldn't catch his breath...he passed away before the car came to a stop in a field.
One year later, as all of his siblings were in their local temples (Mesa AZ, Portland, OR, Idaho Falls, ID) my dad took his name through the temple...I felt a peace I had never felt before for him. I knew that he had a lot of work ahead of him...but that the doors had been open.
My brother, Bruce had an amazing testimony but he had a greater disire to live the life of an addict.
Hang in there...
Sorry, this is so long...but wanted you to know I know you will be ok.
(Because of Bruce and the things he would tell my 3 YOUNG children...each of them will still tell you the reason they never tried drinking, smoking or drugs was because of the things Bruce said to them and taught them about what a horrible thing it was and how he admitted it distroyed his life) I am grateful that he set that in their hearts and mind.

Anonymous said...

Hello Mary, greetings from Northern Ireland.

I am sad to learn of Tyler's current circumstances.

As you say it all comes to to making choices in the end.

Knowing you as I do, he would have an informed choice.

I must encourage you to remain hopeful and not give in to the sin of despair.

I think that some kind on internal battle is going on.

I pray that Tyler will conquer this terrible addiction.

His bad side is just stronger than his good side at the moment.

A fallen angel is still an angel Mary.

You all have my continued thoughts and prayers.

I must let you know that I think your email address is being used by someone other than you.

Just over a week ago I received an e mail, from someone using your email address, with the heading No Subject and just an underlined link as the actual message.

There wasn't any greeting or indeed words of any kind.

That's why I doubt it was genuinely from you.

I've started in a new department for my employer and I'm now working a lot closer to home.

This has made me very happy and never again will anyone stand in the way of granting me leave for Beatle week each August.

I doubt whether you'll be over this year and I'll miss you and Brad.

Keep thinking positively Mary.

Lots of love to you and all the family

Michael xoxoxoxoxo