Sugar-Free Update

So I have been just 3 weeks Sugar Free. I'm not going to lie, it has been HARD!! Here's the deal...I have cheated! This has been about the hardest thing I have done.

The other day, one of my "littles" had a milkshake. It was chocolate, thick, creamy...I've had these shakes before and they are H.E.A.V.E.N...She was so sweet and offered me a bite. Hey, I didn't want to break a 3 year olds heart, so I oblilged. Then I took another one. And one more. That's it! Three little bites and then it hit...

I got a massive headache that lasted TWO DAYS! I tried to convince myself that the barometric pressure had dropped and that was the reason but there was one problem with that theory...the barometric pressure had actually risen that day. I knew. It was from the sugar!

The good news is that this indicates to me that my body has been cleansed and it is rejecting poison!

OK, that's not the only time I cheated, and yes, I got a headache each time. I did have one triumph! I came home from church last Sunday and was STARVING...I saw an ice cold 7-UP in the back refrigerator and it was screaming my name. I thought about it, I really did...just one little soda wouldn't hurt, BUT, I held on and I resisted...that was a good thing, I'm off soda and have not had even a sip of the bubbly since I started on this journey.

So there you have it. I am trying, I really am. I have a lot more empathy for people with really serious addictions...I mentioned to my son how difficult this has been at times and he said, "Mom, take that and multiply it by 1000...that's a herion addiction!"

That made me really think about how blessed I am that this is my challenge; not drugs or alcohol...It made me respect my sweet boy a bit more for his ability and tenacity work hard at conquering his hideous monster.

So there you have it! I am an addict and I relapsed! It's normal and a part of recovery, but I have new resolve and will keep working on this. I will prevail!

Thankful Thursday; The Swint Family

Today I am SO thankful for FAMILY . I have been blessed with an amazing one and I am so grateful..
I have one sister and two brothers:

Mark is my oldest brother. Today is his birthday and he is 59! YIKES, I have an OLD brother! He is an airline pilot, a captain to be exact, with United Airlines and my entire life I knew that's what he would grow up to be! That's all he ever talked about as a kid. I am 5 years younger and have always looked up to him. He is BRILLIANT...a GENIUS and I'm not kidding. He has more useless knowledge in his head than anyone I know, but that's what makes him so interesting. He retains everything he reads. He is a published author, his book is called "Compare Isaiah" which I think is now available at Deseret Book. He also has another book in the works which will hopefully be published very soon. Mark is married to my wonderful sis-in-law, Peggy, and is the father of 4 incredible children. Not only is he brilliant, but he actually has a sharp wit and great sense of humor. He was greatly blessed with the gift of gab and generously shares that gift! Mark is creative beyond measure. He makes me laugh, he lifts me when I'm down and he is an example of strength and resiliency. Check out his websites http://www.markswint.com/ and http://www.silentscribes.com/ and http://www.tweekt.com/ AND and his blog http://www.religionisscience.wordpress.com/ WHEW!!

Carol is my baby sister. She is a nurse and is the kindest, sweetest woman I know! I know that she hates when I say that, but it's true. She is funny and really makes me laugh. Carol got married at such a young age to her husband, Jamie, and together they have 3 amazing children. She did lose a sweet little boy, Kevin, just one month after he was born but she handled that loss with grace and strength. Carol and Jamie have lived in many different places, including Holland, London, The Bay area of California, Memphis and currently live in Phoenix. She has become a world traveler of sorts. When I think of my sister, I think of goodness. She is just flat out GOOD! She is the type of woman who will drop anything for you because she cares more deeply than most people can even begin to imagine. Carol is amazing and even though she is 3 years younger than me, I have ALWAYS looked up to her as a role model!

Paul is my baby brother. Paul is tall, dark and VERY handsome! He is sweet, funny and very cool. As a little boy, Paul was precocious and daring. He was always in the hospital with some ridiculous injury from any one of his death-defying adventures. He has taken me on ski trails that, although they were very fun, they almost put me in a wheelchair...he skied them with ease and grace, I put on a yard sale! I always felt so protective of Paul. He didn't always make the best decisions and often put me in some precarious positions, but I love that he has always had a zest for life and seemed to always embrace the unknown. He is married to my adorable sis-in-law, Jayme and has 5 children. Paul and I were always so close. When we used to travel together, we used to pretend that we were flight attendants on a layover. He loves to ski, fish and ride dirt bikes. He's the consummate outdoors man and I adore him.

My mother and father are still alive. My dad has horrendous health but still has his mind and wit. He is strong and continues to give me great counsel and advice from the confines of his wheelchair. I love my dad and know that his days are numbered, but value each one that I am blessed with.

My mom is incredible. She is a go-getter to the max! At age 79 (in 3 days) she still plays the violin full-time in the Utah Symphony with no sign of slowing down. She is strong and loving. She is generous with sharing her gifts and talents and I so appreciate that in her. Her example of womanhood has been a standard in my life. People love her. She's a wonderful woman.

The family dynamic is crazy to me. We know everything about each other, our qualities and our faults yet we all love each other. I have come to learn that many families estrange themselves from each other when they have a disagreement rather than fight to work it out. They would rather spend months or even years not speaking just because they are too proud to say two precious little words, "I'm Sorry". That is tragic to me and actually pretty disgusting. Family should stick together no.matter.what because in the end, that's ALL we really have!

Fortunately that doesn't happen in my family. We are all SO different yet we generally get along very well. Sometimes we drive each other nuts and when that happens, we duke it out, apologize and FORGIVE. We are always there to support, encourage and bouy anyone who needs it. Although we are all geographically scattered, I know that I can always pick up the phone and any one of them will be there for me. I can truly count on all of them and for that, I am so blessed.

Thank you for letting me post about my family. I know that at age 53 I am so fortunate to even have them all living. I also know that time marches on and that any one of us can go at any time. But for now we are all just happy to be in this goofy family of ours!

I Can See Clearly Now

Sometimes I wish there were big, magic glasses that we could put on so we could see clearly what the future holds for us!

I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed in the moment and forget to see beyond. I have the utmost respect for people who have unwavering faith, who live in truth and omit fear from their lives. I truly believe that "faith" and "fear" cannot occupy the same space, yet at times I allow fear to creep in and take over like a tidal wave...

My son's drug addiction has been THE most trying challenge I have ever faced. There were so many times that I wanted to just crawl in a hole and disappear, fade away, literally die. I couldn't see beyond the very second of the very moment I was living at any particular time. Fear overcame me and dominated my life. Functionality was close to impossible! Yet by enduring that seemingly impossible trial, my faith grew immensely and probably for the first time in my life, I understood the power of that word.

As I think about my opening sentence with regard to being able to see the future, I realize that the true blessings in life come because we DON'T always know the future, we can't see it and the only way we can come to know it is to experience all that we do in order to get to it! Make sense??

Had I known that my sweet boy would even for one moment be clean and sober, I probably would have relaxed and just let it happen...after all, I would know that he would survive and no work on my part would be required. The precious lessons learned by me would have fallen by the wayside and I would have been denied the opportunity to grow.

Tyler, by the way, is doing very well and has been clean, this time, for 11 months. His addictions have been recognized, many dealt with and some still haunt him. But the heroin addiction is at rest...I would love to say it has disappeared, but I live in reality and know that it will probably always be lurking in the shadows of his mind. It's a huge and ugly monster but hopefully, he will remember the skills he has learned and the pain he has endured and will have the resolve to love himself more than that hideous drug. But he is really NOT the focus of this post.

I love faith. I love that we are required to exercise it, on a daily basis. I love that true faith replaces fear.

"I am grateful for the trials I have not yet received" ~Hugh B. Brown

I wish I could fully embrace the above quote...I'm trying, I really am. I'm trying to have the vision and foresight to see that trials are for our good. I know this and I become grateful "after the fact" when all is well...but I haven't become grateful for the trials I have not yet received...not yet, but I'm a work in progress.

The person that I am today is the result of the sum of all of my experiences. The good have been great but the bad have made me stronger! Successes and failures make us whole and complete.

My goal today is to realize the blessings of challenges. Certainly I wouldn't trade the lessons learned from my son's drug years. I hated going through it and it almost killed me (literally), but what I have learned is priceless and my love for him has grown stronger than I could ever have imagined.

So what I have learned is that faith is like having a huge pair of glasses! When we eliminate our fear and rely on the Lord, trusting Him 100%, we see clearly what we need to do and are guided by the Spirit to make correct decisions. It's not an easy thing to do, but it is something that ultimately makes our life easier!

Oops!!

One way to make something a habit is to do it consistently, never missing a day.

I try to post once a day, Monday through Friday...It has been an impossible day today, not bad, just EXTREMELY busy...

So in a desperate attempt to not break my streak, this is my Tuesday post.

I'll try to write a REAL post tomorrow, but for now....I'm on a roll!

Time to Vent

I usually like to use my blog as a forum for meaningful, uplifting thoughts. But, hey, it's my blog and I need to vent...

I have one easy question for anyone who cares...How do I learn to say "NO" ?? It's just two little letters that have HUGE consequences and I have yet to master the ability to use them effectively.

I guess people figure that since I don't work outside of the home and just have oodles of spare time on my hands to share with them, that I will "jump" when they need something! If I don't have a job outside of my home, I must just sit around all day watching soap operas and eating chocolate covered strawberries (I'm just not that fond of bon bons!)...WRONG! I am seriously contemplating going back to work full time just so I can have some room to breathe!

Don't get me wrong, I have loved being home (for the most part) these past 5 years. I have been afforded opportunities that would have never come my way had I been flying the friendly skies as an indentured servant to Delta Air Lines...but, now it's OUT-OF-CONTROL!!

Every time I turn around, I find myself involved with something else that eats up my day. I love most of what I do...I absolutely adore the Swiss Days Committee, Swiss Miss Pageant, Midway Boosters and the time I have to take off with my daughters and grandchildren. But what I don't love is when people get offended when I turn them down because I "am busy" and then they demand to know what I am busy with! (guess they think I don't want to miss those "soaps" and strawberries) REALLY?? I now have to answer to people because they don't think I do anything??

Yesterday, I was released as Choir Director in my ward. A member of the bishopric and I spoke BEFORE Christmas about all that was going on in my life...Aja's situation with her impending pregnancy and her soon-to-be preemie baby, my mother having a stroke, my dad breaking his back etc...He suggested that I be released from that calling to which I said, "Great, that will help immensely". It only took 4 months, but hey, at least it's official now...one less thing to worry about.

I have been SO busy helping Brad with new business ventures (stuff people don't have a clue about) and then trying to balance grandchildren, daughters, community involvements and church callings, I have felt like I am drowning and no one is on shore to throw me a life preserver!

So thanks for letting me vent! I will survive and I will be OK. Things will get better and I won't run away and hide. I know that it's better to stay busy because "idle hands are the devil's playground" or something like that!...But if you have any suggestions on how to say those two little letters, I'm all ears!

Open Hearts

“The heart that gives, gathers”…My friend offered a prayer at the beginning of a meal and these 5 words were offered in humble supplication.

I have given this humble statement much thought and pondered the meaning of its words. One of my favorite sayings and the saying that will be on our headstone is, “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” They are similar in meaning so here are my thoughts:

1. Nothing in life is just handed to you. Kindness begets kindness.
2. When you give of yourself freely and without expectations, you are blessed beyond measure.
3. We cannot make it alone…everyone needs and deserves to be loved.
4. When we share, we receive.

I have been the recipient more times than the giver, I’m afraid. I have amazing people in my life from all walks of life and all places on the earth. From each and every one, I receive and become a better person for having known them. I am the woman I am today because of the influences of the people I love and who love me.

We are ALL connected. I believe that we are connected through a Heavenly Father who loves us unconditionally and expects us to “gather” our brothers and sisters here on earth. Who gives us the right to snub a total stranger just because he/she is someone we presently don’t know? Shouldn’t we be spreading kindness to all with whom we come in contact?

Several years ago, my dearest friend decided to change positions at her work. She went from being a Gate Agent to a Flight Attendant for the airline she worked for. She and I flew together to Las Vegas for the express purpose to say good-bye to her fellow employees before she started her new career venture. She printed up a heart-felt poem that encapsulated her feelings and carefully rolled it up and tied it with a lovely ribbon as a token of her love and appreciation for each person.

I figured we’d fly in, spend an hour and fly back…was I ever wrong! We arrived around 10:00 AM and didn’t leave until 4:00 PM. Not only did she give everyone a copy of the poem, she stopped to thank EVERYONE she saw whom she had any association with! Her appreciation was so heartwarming and sincere and the love that she exuded that day will live with me forever. My heart was touched.

Perhaps the most beautiful exchange I have ever seen between two people happened later that day. As we were heading to our gate to catch our flight, she stopped to speak with one of the janitors. He was a tired, broken down looking little man. He looked sad and downtrodden, unappreciated and almost embarrassed as he emptied one of the many trash cans in the concourse. I watched as she called him by name and tenderly took his two, filthy hands in hers and thanked him for the good job that he does every day in helping to keep her place of work clean and beautiful! She handed him a poem with a pretty ribbon. She went on to tell him that she will miss seeing his sweet smile everyday and that he lifted her each time she came to work. She expressed her love and concern for his family and asked God to bless them all.

Tears streamed down my face as I watched his tear-stained, worn and weary face and I saw a spark in his eyes that had been missing when I first laid eyes on him. He smiled, he listened, he cried and then they embraced. I will NEVER forget that moment in time when this beautiful woman stopped to just love this tired man. She validated him. She recognized his worth. She lifted him with Christ’s pure love and she changed his life! This man was her brother and she “gathered” him and welcomed him into her life.

Her heart gave and what it gathered was more precious than any of the world’s riches. I was filled and given the resolve to open my heart more and to give what I had. The lesson she taught me that day was more valuable than any college course I have ever taken. She blessed me with her example pure Christ-like Godly love that enriches our world. I will forever be grateful for her perfect example that day.

Thankful Thursday

As I was considering this post and what to blog about for Thankful Thursday, it was a No-Brainer. In light of the awful events in Chile recently, I just have to post about my gratitude for all of the COMFORTS I enjoy on a daily basis. I have been incredibly blessed throughout my entire life, never having wanted for food, clothing or shelter. I have always enjoyed a warm beautiful home and have always had plenty to eat, wear and enjoy.

We live in a society of plenty. Yes, we are in an economic slump and many are struggling, but do we really know the pangs of starvation, the fear of well-being or worry about where we will lay our head tonight? I know that I have NEVER experienced the agony of watching my family being destroyed by an earthquake or other natural disaster. I have always had enough and then some…

"If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues." ~Thomas S. Monson

I love the quote above. (It was taken from a talk he gave called “An Attitude of Gratitude”.) Why do we want for more? Why do we think that what we have been given is not enough? Why is it so easy for us to forget what we have and just be thankful? Do we feel a sense of entitlement? I have fallen into this trap on more than one occasion and am ashamed for the ingratitude that I have at times felt.

The people of Chile and Haiti, as well as many other places in the world have seemingly lost everything. But they will persevere and life will go on. They will be humbled and they will see that they are richer than many of us who have never suffered as they are now suffering. They will become stronger and their hearts will begin to heal. They will rebuild and feel the sunshine once again. But for now they have lost ALL of their “comforts”. I lost a wedding ring once and cried for weeks...it was insured and was replaced, I found the lost ring one year later...I have lost other "items" that seemed so precious to me, again, I felt terrible, devestated at times and yes, shed a few tears here and there. But I have never lost a child or a parent or a sibling or even many extended family members.

I wonder what I would feel if I lost everything. Could I become bitter against God or would I become humble and remain thankful. It’s so easy to be grateful when all is well, but when it’s all gone, how would I feel?

One Step at a Time

For the past several months I have made a concerted effort to get healthier through better diet and exercise. I have made a pretty substantial dent in the diet end, cutting out sugars, most carbs and eating mostly organic and raw fruits and veggies with lots of seeds, nuts and healthy grains. I admit, I have felt better and had more energy and stamina.

As far as exercise, I was pretty discouraged when I started going to the gym and "suffered" through Yoga. That just shouldn't be! But I persevered and now love it so I moved up to cardio only to be frustrated when I could barely run a mile without supplemental oxygen!...again, I persevered and can now run as effectively as the 78 yr old man who uses the treadmill next to mine...It was a proud day!

I felt as though I needed to take it to the next level so yesterday I decided to join in on the Zumba class. (Zumba is high energy and basically Brazilian dancing). I was totally intimidated (with good reason) but saw 2 of my hubby's adorable cousins (who are respectively in their early 20's) and jumped right in...I thought I was going to DIE...No really...drop dead of a heart attack!

Again, I persevered as long as I could and made it but not without ridiculous humiliation. I was a complete and total SPAZZ...I was so focused on trying to get the steps and keep up that finally I left the middle of the pack and moved to the back of the room where a few of us "more mature" ladies were.Good move on my part! The lady next to me was just as clueless as I was and we ended up laughing together as we huffed and puffed our way through the class. We ran into each other, which by that point was OK and in some odd way that comforted us as we struggled to keep our dignity!I felt so disappointed in myself when I got home, because I had such a hard time because once upon a time I was in such good shape. I beat myself up.

But I have realized that Zumba, like everything else in life, needs to be taken one.step.at.a.time! Nobody in that class had time to even pay attention to me or worry about what I was doing...they were all just taking their one-at-a-time-steps. They were just keeping up, some better than others, but still the same, they were just keeping up!

I guess that's exactly how life is. You just take one step at a time and sometimes you feel like you're going to die. Sometimes we need supplemental oxygen. Perseverance is the key...hang in there...keep trying...It will all be worth it...at least that's what I keep telling myself. Sometimes we are just "keeping up" one step at a time...and that's OK.

Generous Thoughts

Many years ago, I was working in the reservations department at Delta Air Lines. Even though we were a non-public department, we still had to dress up each day for work. Many people complained about this. I didn't mind, after all, I had 3 little kids and kind of enjoyed the opportunity to wear something other than sweats all day!

Anyway, it was generally very busy with calls coming in one right after the other with very little time to breathe in between. But one particular day, it was slow. I finished my call and it went silent. Before I knew it, the girl next to me, who was very attractive and whom I did not know, leaned over and said to me, "You are just the cutest thing!...I just had to tell you that".

I was SHOCKED! I was in my early 30's and used to hearing catty women gossip about other women and compliments were just not something I ever received. She made my day and it was one of the best days I had at work! I was more productive, I smiled when I spoke and I felt lifted up. Needless to say, this girl and I became good friends and have had a long-standing friendship ever since...that was 22 years ago.

Although it was very kind of her to say what she did, the real kindness she gave me was a very important lesson. She taught me that not only is it nice to compliment people, it's important.

A wonderful woman once said, "Never suppress a generous thought." ~Camilla Kimball

So I worked on that and at first was a bit self-conscious. I worried what people's reactions would be. Would they think that I was sincere? I can honestly say that every single compliment I have given since has been well received. I have thanked the baggers at the grocery store for working so hard and doing a great job only to be rewarded with a kind smile, knowing that someone appreciates their efforts. I have seen young girls beam when I tell them how beautiful their eyes are and even seen cute young waiters blush when I tell them they're a "total hottie " (boy do I get great service when I tell them that!)

Our world has become so negative and people have become so into their own busy lives that I think complimenting has become a thing of the past. Self-esteem is at an all time low. Our economy is tanking and people are stressed...think of how a sincere compliment can lift them...something as simple as,"I LOVE your shoes!!" (women love that one!)

When I pay a sincere compliment (and that's the only kind I give, by the way) I feel better too...How many times have you thought something nice but held it in? If I think it, I share it. If I hold it in, it becomes a wasted thought...it does wonders to share it.

We're all in this life together. We all have trials, challenges, heart-aches and sadness. Try it. Go out and look for kind things to say to people...share a compliment with a total stranger and you'll be amazed at what you see!

One Week Sugar-Free

I made it! If there was a chip like the ones they give out in AA, I would get one! I have made it one whole week with NO SUGAR. This is huge! I have spent the majority of my life addicted to the sweet stuff and didn’t even realize it until a couple of years ago when I started to put on a bit of weight and my energy levels went way down. Even though I have known for some time now that I needed to rid myself of this alluring addiction, I never could muster the strength to actually do something about it…until now.

Granted one week may not seem like a long time worthy of any type of recognition, but considering the severity of my addiction, I am giving myself one big pat on the back. I have survived, and survived well these past seven days. Aside from a few minor headaches, I have enjoyed more energy, less sluggishness and an overall general feeling of accomplishment.
For most of my life I have never liked chocolate. I mean, I could eat a small piece of chocolate candy, enjoy a “fresh out of the oven” brownie or a creamy bowl of chocolate ice cream, but to eat an entire candy bar used to be an impossible fete for me…then I met some wonderful people who owned a chocolate shop…and it was over…they introduced me to the delicious, delectable and diabolically sinful confection. For awhile it was fine, but it wasn’t long before I began to notice that my size 2’s became 4’s which then turned into 6’s. So I decided that the insanity had to stop and I tried and tried only to realize failure at every turn.

So, how did I do it? Water and lots of it! I gave up soda completely and have been drinking only water…about 100 ounces a day to be exact…I will admit that the first week, I cheated (and I felt guilty)! I caved and gave into to my cravings, but for the last 7 days, I have been faithful and have experienced NO cravings at all! I also have lots of fresh fruit on hand; mainly fuji apples, as well as fresh veggies, nuts and I have upped my grains. If I need to sweeten anything I now use Agave, Real Maple Syrup or Honey. I also went through my house (yes, I had it hidden) and tossed it all! Hundreds of dollars (OK, maybe not hundreds...) of sweets and treats in the dumpster…Better to go to waste in the trash than on my body, right?!

So there you have it. I admit it; I am an addict. But now I know what to do and how to do it. It’s only been a week, but I will keep making a concerted effort to purge my body of this poison that has been coursing through my veins for more than half a century. I look forward to an increase in stamina and better health and wellness. Wish me luck;)