Monday, March 8, 2010

Time to Vent

I usually like to use my blog as a forum for meaningful, uplifting thoughts. But, hey, it's my blog and I need to vent...

I have one easy question for anyone who cares...How do I learn to say "NO" ?? It's just two little letters that have HUGE consequences and I have yet to master the ability to use them effectively.

I guess people figure that since I don't work outside of the home and just have oodles of spare time on my hands to share with them, that I will "jump" when they need something! If I don't have a job outside of my home, I must just sit around all day watching soap operas and eating chocolate covered strawberries (I'm just not that fond of bon bons!)...WRONG! I am seriously contemplating going back to work full time just so I can have some room to breathe!

Don't get me wrong, I have loved being home (for the most part) these past 5 years. I have been afforded opportunities that would have never come my way had I been flying the friendly skies as an indentured servant to Delta Air Lines...but, now it's OUT-OF-CONTROL!!

Every time I turn around, I find myself involved with something else that eats up my day. I love most of what I do...I absolutely adore the Swiss Days Committee, Swiss Miss Pageant, Midway Boosters and the time I have to take off with my daughters and grandchildren. But what I don't love is when people get offended when I turn them down because I "am busy" and then they demand to know what I am busy with! (guess they think I don't want to miss those "soaps" and strawberries) REALLY?? I now have to answer to people because they don't think I do anything??

Yesterday, I was released as Choir Director in my ward. A member of the bishopric and I spoke BEFORE Christmas about all that was going on in my life...Aja's situation with her impending pregnancy and her soon-to-be preemie baby, my mother having a stroke, my dad breaking his back etc...He suggested that I be released from that calling to which I said, "Great, that will help immensely". It only took 4 months, but hey, at least it's official less thing to worry about.

I have been SO busy helping Brad with new business ventures (stuff people don't have a clue about) and then trying to balance grandchildren, daughters, community involvements and church callings, I have felt like I am drowning and no one is on shore to throw me a life preserver!

So thanks for letting me vent! I will survive and I will be OK. Things will get better and I won't run away and hide. I know that it's better to stay busy because "idle hands are the devil's playground" or something like that!...But if you have any suggestions on how to say those two little letters, I'm all ears!


Donnetta said...

Oh, I can so relate. Have you ever read the book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud? It was so helpful to me in giving me permission to not only say "no" (still learning) but to also not feel obligated to explain myself each time I do.

I was able to check it out of my local library so there was no expense involved.

In fact, it's been a couple of years since I read it. I'm probably due for a re-read to find what I should be working on next (again) in developing healthy boundaries for myself.

If you decide to get/read it, I'd be curious to know what you think.

~Mary said...

Thanks Donnetta...I've heard of the book, but never have read it. I will pick it up this week. It's good to know that I'm not alone in this! Thanks for your comment.

P.S. I LOVE your blog, isn't the blogging world a great place?!?

Linds said...

Some people are so clueless. I can't believe anyone would even ask what else you've got to do. I hope tomorrow's a better day!

Lynn said...

Oh I can so relate to this one too! I finally put an idea of mine into plan about 3 years ago and it's worked so WONDERFULLY well!

When someone calls or e-mails with a "favor" or "please can you do this for me" or "I'm sure you might have some time for just this once"....

Here's what I do.

I put a smile on my face.
I politely and calming say,

"Oh, I would LOVE to help you out. However, I need to stick with my commitment of saying "yes" to ONLY the FIRST three projects and service I was asked to do. And you are already number 4. I am so sorry. Maybe another time. I need to stick with the three things I am heavily involved in already. It's only fair to them and to you. Thanks for thinking of me anyway."

Oh! The joy of being able to say that. I love it. No one is offended. Everyone then realizes that I am busy already! (Yes.....three is the magic number.) And I no longer feel guilty for saying "no" or feel like I have to explain why I am saying no. It's just plain "no". (With a smile of course.) And there is no begging or pleading or anything on anyone's part. I love it. Did I mention that already? LOL!

Hope it gets better for you!

Julie said...

I LOVE Lynn's comment. Over the years I have become much better (not perfect) at saying no, but I usually feel like I have to give an explanation of why I can't help someone when they ask. Lynn's quote is enabling to me. I think I will start using it. I used to say yes to everything, and ended up neglecting other obligations that were way more important than what I was currently asked to do.