Friday, March 26, 2010

Confession Time

I have a HUGE confession to make! I have debated whether to blog about this all week but, alas, I feel that I must do it...I have fallen off the proverbial wagon..."Hi, I'm Mary and I'm a sugar.a.holic!

I caved! I have eaten it more than once and feel like such a failure since every other blog I read has a post about the great success people are having by going sugar-free! Not me, I succumbed to the sweet stuff and now I have to start over again. I'm SO disgusted with myself.

See, everything was going so well and I really didn't have that hard of a time getting off of it, BUT, I went to an amazing restaurant up here in Midway and they had the MOST AMAZING dessert bar. This was in a buffet setting and I rationalized to myself that since I had done so well for the preceeding two weeks, it would be OK to "splurge" that night... Then in Phoenix, there was the most delectable Red Velvet Cheesecake (the name is alluring, isn't it??) at the Cheesecake Factory...Oh my...

Almost immediately, each time,  I got the most annoying headache and the once-delicious desserts didn't even taste that good. (They really didn't, I was surprised, except the Red Velvet was amazing...not gonna lie...). Worse than that, I was racked with guilt! I felt like such a loser :'(

Once I succumbed, I felt like I could "control" it and that to have a small bite of something decadent would be alright, but it's not...It's just not! I rationalized that since I had substantially cut down my intake, I could indulge once-in-a-while...but that's like a heroin addict using just one more just doesn't work that way!

So here's the deal: I either make this commitment or I don't. I either have will-power or I don't. It's all or nothing for me, that's the only way this will work. I know, I know, I know!! So now I'm starting over. I can do this, I know that I's just a matter of "Do I Really Want This??"

Today is a new day and I am ready to face this stupid addiction head on. I have beat myself up and I am ready to move forward. This whole experience has made me so much more aware of how difficult it must really be to give up something like cigarettes, alcohol or drugs. It has changed my perspective on addiction, as I have always sorta, kinda thought I really didn't have an addictive-personality...maybe we are all the addictive-personality type in one way or another to one thing or another...hmmm?

So there you have confession to the blogging world that I was weak and it got out of control...If I do this I can't turn back...not even once! It's sometimes torturous and painful, but I know in my heart that my body needs me to rid itself of the sweet stuff! I felt better for those two weeks and it wasn't that hard...until the buffet!

On a positive note, I have been completely soda free for just over a month now and I have upped my water intake substantially. I drink at least 60 ounces a day and I feel better, I pee better...well, you get the point and seriously, I never thought I could do that. So thank you for being my "support group" and "sponsors" of sorts...I promise I'll try to do better!


Love Being a Nonny said...

Giving up sugar for two weeks is a MAJOR accomplishment! Good for you. So, you failed....Today is a new day! This is the day the Lord has made. Start anew! You can do it! Giving up some sugar is better than none! And congrats on the soft drinks!!!

Lynn said...

"Today is a new day"

Those are the exact words that you wrote. And you are SO right. You can pat yourself on the back for accomplishing all that you have thus far.

Replacing a bad habit with a new one is not an easy task to do.....but you are doing not giving up. THAT is the whole key.

Good for you for wanting to get back up and try again!

Donnetta said...

Would it help any to tell you that I bought some candy at the store last week for those "chocolate emergency" moments... and it is all gone. I didn't have THAT bad of a week. Sheesh! I'm just glad it's now gone out of the house. No more buying candy for me!

Don't be too hard on yourself. There is a lot to be said for admitting when you are struggling. There is even more to be said for getting back up and facing it head on once again!


linda said...

Just stopping by and thought I'd leave a comment, hope you don't mind.

This post struck a chord with me as I've been battling the same issues. Menopause struck big time last year and I can't seem to lose those extra unwanted pounds. I'm determined to win this battle and it sounds like you are too! Good for you. It sounds like you've done great, especially giving up the soda. I haven't been able to do that yet although I've switched to diet drinks and since I don't like diet, I drink less.

So good that you're drinking more water, that's they key so they say. I'm trying to increase my water intake too. Just hate going to the bathroom all.the.time!

Keep up the good work and don't beat yourself up so bad. It sounds like you've done terrific!

Janiece said...

thank you so much for stopping by my blog!
I am really glad that they have the sugar free candies (jolly ranchers and peanut butter cups)

Though there are days that I really need real chocolate...
I enjoy it...
and then get sick...not so enjoyable.
what ever you sure you are happy!!! Love Life!

Dawn said...

I have been sugar free for 11 weeks now (barring a couple of M's, as in M&M's). I shouldn't have even done that. But it's amazing that I can do this, because I, too, am a sugarholic. I have realized, in watching my kids with their addictions, that I have an addictive personality and could easily have been an alcoholic if I had imbibed even once. That's why I hate alcohol so much! But it's very sad to realize that I cannot have my chocolate fix ever again, if I want to keep myself "pure." Yikes!

The water thing - I've done the same thing and I'm up a lot at night. But it's a good reason.

Thanks for your comments - it is good to share with other moms who never dreamed they'd be in this place, isn't it?

As for the mammo - I have to go back this week for a re-do on the right one. It's rather unnerving. As for the colonoscopy - the prep is the worst. The procedure is a piece of cake once you've got yourself ready. Ugh!

Well, on that lovely note, I'll say hope you have a great week!