Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I Can See Clearly Now

Sometimes I wish there were big, magic glasses that we could put on so we could see clearly what the future holds for us!

I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed in the moment and forget to see beyond. I have the utmost respect for people who have unwavering faith, who live in truth and omit fear from their lives. I truly believe that "faith" and "fear" cannot occupy the same space, yet at times I allow fear to creep in and take over like a tidal wave...

My son's drug addiction has been THE most trying challenge I have ever faced. There were so many times that I wanted to just crawl in a hole and disappear, fade away, literally die. I couldn't see beyond the very second of the very moment I was living at any particular time. Fear overcame me and dominated my life. Functionality was close to impossible! Yet by enduring that seemingly impossible trial, my faith grew immensely and probably for the first time in my life, I understood the power of that word.

As I think about my opening sentence with regard to being able to see the future, I realize that the true blessings in life come because we DON'T always know the future, we can't see it and the only way we can come to know it is to experience all that we do in order to get to it! Make sense??

Had I known that my sweet boy would even for one moment be clean and sober, I probably would have relaxed and just let it happen...after all, I would know that he would survive and no work on my part would be required. The precious lessons learned by me would have fallen by the wayside and I would have been denied the opportunity to grow.

Tyler, by the way, is doing very well and has been clean, this time, for 11 months. His addictions have been recognized, many dealt with and some still haunt him. But the heroin addiction is at rest...I would love to say it has disappeared, but I live in reality and know that it will probably always be lurking in the shadows of his mind. It's a huge and ugly monster but hopefully, he will remember the skills he has learned and the pain he has endured and will have the resolve to love himself more than that hideous drug. But he is really NOT the focus of this post.

I love faith. I love that we are required to exercise it, on a daily basis. I love that true faith replaces fear.

"I am grateful for the trials I have not yet received" ~Hugh B. Brown

I wish I could fully embrace the above quote...I'm trying, I really am. I'm trying to have the vision and foresight to see that trials are for our good. I know this and I become grateful "after the fact" when all is well...but I haven't become grateful for the trials I have not yet received...not yet, but I'm a work in progress.

The person that I am today is the result of the sum of all of my experiences. The good have been great but the bad have made me stronger! Successes and failures make us whole and complete.

My goal today is to realize the blessings of challenges. Certainly I wouldn't trade the lessons learned from my son's drug years. I hated going through it and it almost killed me (literally), but what I have learned is priceless and my love for him has grown stronger than I could ever have imagined.

So what I have learned is that faith is like having a huge pair of glasses! When we eliminate our fear and rely on the Lord, trusting Him 100%, we see clearly what we need to do and are guided by the Spirit to make correct decisions. It's not an easy thing to do, but it is something that ultimately makes our life easier!


Love Being a Nonny said...

What a heartfelt post. It is so true, as we experience pain, we find God's grace. I will become a follower of your blog today...thanks for visiting mine. We have a lot in common. I will be 53 in two days and my grandgirls are the light of my life.

Lynn said...

You my dear are SO inspiring. I knew I just had to come to your blog today to be uplifted and try to calm my spirit. I just received some shocking and scary news regarding my brother today. I need to have the faith that you speak of. I thought I finally got it after all these months with my husband being out of work and even shared that with the congregation on Sunday. But alas, the news today (and it's my husband and my anniversary) just knocked me off my feet again.

Thank you SO much for sharing.

I applaud your son's ability to get where he is today! That is AWESOME!